I never looked at my future as a place I’d actually be. I pictured it, I conjured up what I’d imagined it being, I told myself it doesn’t matter if I’m slacking now because my future would be great one day. Truth of it is, we keep on living, doing us, living day to day until we realise this “day to day” is our lives. Tomorrow comes and nothing changes and before we know it, today’s here and tomorrow follows and this is the “future” and the now. This is it.
I’ve daydreamed a fantasy world but as of lately I have been shot back into reality. As in, relaxing on a hammock on a hot summer day, reading a book, drinking an ice-cold lemonade, to being sling-shot off into unknown territory. A dark, cold abyss of the unrelenting self-doubt, fear and questions that stalk me down every corner.
Of course I have always held onto my dreams, my ambition but there is something in that that holds fear itself. Evidentally most people do not dream of living an average or below average life. Everyone dreams of the “great beyond,” always expecting for things to fall into place for them one day. “Because life drags so much right now, I know one day I will make it better for myself somehow.” We say. What is unseen is unknown so we paint a picture of beauty, of luxury, of wealth and even fame on this unseen canvas. Leaving behind the fact that in order to obtain that future we must start creating it now.
We are living in the “future” we were waiting around for ten years ago and has anything changed?
The future is not something that is set in stone, planned and is waiting for us to catch up with it. It is unseen, unknown, unfathomable, non-existent. What we do now is what determines that unknown.
“I many times thought peace had come,
When peace was far away;
As wrecked men deem they sight the land
A centre of the sea,
And struggle slacker, but to prove,
As hopelessly as I,
How many fictitious shores
Before the harbor lie.”
