Our lives are shaped by our personality just as fundamentally as they are by our gender or race. The world is made up of varied personality types but the most important is where we fall on the introvert, extrovert spectrum.
Being either an introvert or an extrovert influences the way we live our lives: our choice of friends, how we resolve problems, how we show our love, our demise. It influences what career paths we choose, our activities or hobbies.
Scientists have taken a lot of interest and recently introversion and extroversion is the most widely studied subject in personality psychology. It is reflected in our brain pathways, neurotransmitters and remote corners of our nervous system. We were born either introverted or extroverted, although so many of us try to push ourselves into being an extrovert because in most of our minds we believe the successful person is alpha and is comfortable in the spotlight.
We say we value individuality but what we really seem to value is one personality type. The one who isn’t afraid to speak up and put himself out there. The charismatic guy that can pull in any crowd and become the center of attention. We gravitate towards this sort of personality and wish we could be the same.
We all want to be the person who takes action, makes quick decisions, socializes well in groups and is comfortable in our own skin. Talkative people are rated as more inviting, attracting, smarter, more interesting, more desirable. Sensitivity, seriousness, timidity, shyness is something we frown upon. It’s a disappointment when us ourselves have these traits. So a lot of us try our best to pretend, to conform to the standard of extroversion. But it is unfair to us, introversion goes to the core of who we are and living like an extrovert is being untrue to ourselves. It will only leave us exhausted.
Extroverts crave long amounts of stimulation and thrive on it while introverts feel more switched on, alive or comfortable in a low-key, quiet environment. Forcing ourselves out of our comfort zones on the daily is only going to make us miserable.
Are there more extroverts or introverts?
The world seems to embrace the extrovert personality type as if it is the only one. Most important institutions of contemporary life are designed for those who enjoy mingling, group projects, and high levels of stimulation. Classrooms are organized in groups to help us better socialize. Most teachers believe the ideal student to be an extrovert so they treat them all as such.
TV shows these days also depict the loud, assertive, rock star type personalities. Not the quiet girl next door because no ones interesting in the boring quiet girl right? Western cultures have always favored the man of action over the man of contemplation. The constant rerun of the same ideas recycled over and over again, shows us that being an extrovert must be the right way to be liked or successful.
More organizations or shows should embrace the idea of both personality types because depending on the study: 1 third, to 1 half of us are introverted. 1 out of every 2 or 3 people. As with other complimentary pairings, humanity would be unrecognizable without the two personality styles. Many discoveries, inventions and leaps forward were made by introverts such as Algore, Warren Buffet, Gandhi. Without introverts we wouldn’t have Van Goughs sunflowers, the theory of evolution, or the personal computer. Without introverts the world would also be devoid of:
- The theory of gravity (Sir Isaac Newton)
- The theory of relativity (Albert Einstein)
- Yeat’s “The Second Coming” (W.B Yeats)
- Chopin’s nocturnes (Frédéric Chopin)
- Proust’s In Search of Lost Time (Marcel Proust)
- Peter Pan (J.M Barry)
- Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four and Animal Farm (George Orwell)
- The Cat in the Hat (Theordor Geisel/Dr. Seuss)
- Charlie Brown (Charles Schulz)
- Schiner’s List, E.T, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind (Steven Spielberg)
- Google (Larry Page)
- Harry Potter (J.K Rowling)
Power of Solitude
Most creative people who are very good at exchanging and advancing ideas also have a streak of introversion in them. Solitude is a crucial ingredient often to creativity.
Darwin took long walks alone in the woods, turning down many dinner party invitations to be alone.
Theordor Geisel, Dr. Seuss dreamed up many creations in a lonely bell tower office that he had in the back of his house in La Jolla, California. He was afraid to meet the children who read his books in fear that they expected him to be this jolly, Santa Claus like character and would be disappointed when they realized he was a quiet, stick to himself kind of guy.
Steve Wozniak invented the first computer sitting alone in his cubicle in tewlett-packard. He said he would probably have never been successful if he wasn’t too introverted to leave his house growing up.
Most Religion seekers like Moses, Mohammed, and Ali went off alone to the wilderness and had profound revelations and epiphanies that they bring back to their people.
The power of solitude is greater than we think. Sometimes we must take the time to spend time with ourselves instead of being clouded by the distoration of group dynamics.
Take pride in being you
A lot of us believe that being assertive is the key to leadership, that deciveness means confidence. Wavering or even thinking about wavering threatens morale. But this isn’t always the case. Just because some of us have four options going on in our minds and we need a minute to find the best one or if we decide to go about things in a friendly manner instead of assertive one, doesn’t mean we aren’t good leaders. Sometimes modest, quiet styles of leaderships can be just as, if not more effective.
A lot of us introverts are so used to our elders apologizing for our shyness growing up, wondering why we couldn’t be more like our siblings or peers. Making us think there was something wrong with being the sensitive more quiet people that we are, so we try to be like the extroverts. But we shouldn’t, if anything more extroverts should learn how to be introverted. Too much simulation clouds our judgements.
Extroverts may say to introverts “You’re in your head too much” but some call us the “thinkers.” We have deep inner lives and sitting at home reading a book or spending time with ourselves is just as fun, if not more than going out with friends for the night. I say everyone should learn to get inside their heads a little more and learn to find a little peace with being alone.
Spending time with yourself and learning more about who you are, has many benefits. We gain more self-control, we rid of inner conflict, have a better tolerance or understanding of others, we gain better decision making skills, and resistance to social pressure and self-control. Independence and self-awareness is also linked to confidence. Knowing who we are and what we stand for can help us gain a sense of self-confidence. You have to know yourself in order to be yourself.
Know yourself
There is nothing wrong with turning down a group get together to spend time with yourself. If you are already someone who does it all the time, don’t feel bad about it. And if you are someone who has never done it but instead is always trying to find a way to be somewhere full of simulation day in and day out, I suggest you to do it! Turn down a party or group hang and hang out with yourself. Get to know yourself and learn to love that person when no one else is around.
A Manifesto for Introverts by Susan Cain:
1 There’s a word for “people who are in their heads too much”: thinkers.
2 Solitude is a catalyst for innovation.
3 The next generation of quiet kids can and must be raised to know their own strengths.
4 Sometimes it helps to be a pretend extrovert. There will always be time to be quiet later.
5 But in the long run, staying true to your temperament is key to finding work you love and work that matters.
6 One genuine new relationship is worth a fistful of business cards.
7 It’s OK to cross the street to avoid making small talk.
8 “Quiet leadership” is not an oxymoron.
9 Love is essential; gregariousness is optional.
10 “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
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