Dark Road To Grace: How To Find Joy Again Without The Substances
My dark road to grace has showed me that it is possible to find joy again without the substances and trust me, if it’s possible for me, it’s possible for anyone else reading this who may be seeking help.
I am sure we all remember that first drink, first pill, or first big bong rip and how it took all the fears away, all the stress and anxiety seemed to disappear for a little while. We stop feeling every muscle in our bodies, the blood flowing through our veins, that itch, that voice, those what if’s. We stop calculating every move we make for its effect, our brain’s slow down for the first time since we were little when we had that child-like wonder and imagination when stresses were non-existent. Finally life seems as if maybe it could be easy for us too if only we felt like this all the time.
We feel on top of the world, euphoric even in the short term of using the substance which is what makes using it so addictive. However, relying on these substances for happiness ends up depleting our mental health over time because there is a strong correlation between mental health and addiction. These substances interfere with our brain’s neurotransmitters and harm the nervous system. The more we rely on these substances the more they destabalize our moods in the long run. They have the control to affect our dopamine and serotonin levels which are the hormones that keep us feeling happy, without these hormones it becomes increasingly easy to feel depressed, or even start to have thoughts of the end being easier than feeling this way every day.
So, again, we abuse the substance to try to feel a sense of joy again. We started off taking these substances thinking it would make us able to get out there in the world as the best versions of ourselves: fears, stresses, the what-if I’m not good enough questions all disappear and the confident, I can do anything attitude surfaces. Until we start to realise that the substance has completely taken over our lives.
We become a lot more irritable, angry even and feel even more lost, alienated and like a failure when we don’t have the substance in us. So, a lot of us start doing them at work, before meetings, before interviews, before dinner get-together’s, before road trips, before our child’s birthday party because we know we are going to have to socialise with other adults and we can’t possibly be ‘cool’ enough, ‘interesting’ enough without altering our state of mind first right? All the anxiety of not having enough to relate to, not having interesting enough topics or exciting enough stories; all the what if’s float to the surface and it’s so easy to drown them out with the substance of our choice. So, we keep doing this over and over again until we are so deep in the rabbit hole of life, we don’t even know who we are anymore and everything starts to feel hopeless.
We realise we cannot live without this substance, our entire being revolves around it, it is all we think about. Drinking ourselves into a stupor before crawling into bed every night so we don’t have to be in our own minds, but always making sure we saved those last couple drinks or shots for the morning to hold us over before we can get to the liquor store. We get irritable at work if a co-worker calls in sick and we are asked to stay later because we know when the liquor store closes or the pharmacy closes or when our dealer will be going out of town and know we won’t be able to get our fix for the night. Most addicts find a way. Most of us would make up some sort of excuse as to why we are unable to stay or we tell our boss we can stay but we need to go out and get something to eat first. Going back to work doesn’t seem so bad then because we know what’s waiting for us afterwards or for some of us, we don’t wait until afterwards.
This substance is all we think about and everything else goes on the back burner. Relationships don’t matter, wealth doesn’t matter, the upkeep of our homes or welfare of our families don’t matter. As long as we have our fix, nothing else means a thing.
Although a lot of us start with the substance as a way to be more social, outgoing, fun, exciting, we start to realize once our lives start to revolve around it, we are none of these things, in fact we are usually the opposite. A lot of us addicts are lonely and isolate ourselves after years of use because we are ashamed, embarrassed and no longer know how to be that fun, happy go lucky person while using. It becomes so much of a habit that it is now a part of who we are, no longer makes us happy nor does it relieve the fears and anxieties for us, instead it starts to bring more. We know how badly we need to stop but don’t know what our life looks out without it anymore. We tell ourselves we are just going to be back in the same spot as before: feeling hopeless, feeling like we are not good enough, scared to get out of our comfort zones, scared of not being accepted, fear of not being loved or even liked. Scared we don’t know how to make authentic connections because we are so in our heads believing we need to please everyone else by agreeing with things they do, or laughing at things they find funny even though we don’t. Never knowing how to allow our real selves out, living in a charade as a puppet on strings.
There is too much fear of the unknown and we cannot imagine our lives without the substance so we make the decision to just float through life in a daze, days and years flying by, knowing it’s going to kill us but that seems less scary than the unknown: going back to living life without the substance. A lot of us give up. I am here to tell you that you don’t have to, life really could go back to how we felt as a children. We can all be reborn again and start to see life through the eyes of a child full of wonder and hope that we seem to lose over the years. We are able to start being our authentic selves again without the fear of rejection or judgement. I mean we are all human so there will always be those what if questions and those fears of change and of the unknown but it doesn’t have to envelope our entire lives anymore, I promise.
If you want to read my story of addiction and why I started relying on substances to get me through each dark day I will leave a link to that post below but for now I am going to go over a short list of advice I believe will make things easier for addicts to fight through that dark road to find grace once again.
Remember that we are all human, none of us better than the next
We as humans compare ourselves to everyone else way too much. We may all be the same species but we are nowhere close to having the same souls, mindsets, thoughts, fears, talents, etc. And we are not supposed to. Being the unique individuals we are is what makes the world work the way it does. Imagine if we all had the belief that woman we’re not as capable as men? Imagine if we all had the mindset that we are the most important person on the totem pole and everyone else’s feelings came second? Imagine if we all believed in keeping certain knowledge to ourselves that may benefit us but hurt everyone else? The world wouldn’t be a very nice place to live in would it? We balance each other out, that’s the point.
Just because our neighbour is this loud, eccentric, able to entertain or pull in a crowd no matter the place type person, doesn’t mean we are boring or uncool because we ourselves are unable to do the same. When we try to mimic and do the exact same thing our neighbour does and we get a different reaction, it may be because people can see through our act. We are not being ourselves and it is evident we are faking it to make it. When we really don’t have to do so. A lot of people would prefer the reserved, quiet, keep to themselves types that usually have rich inner lives and a lot of interesting train of thoughts or theories but don’t need to be the center of attention to share them.
I know for me what used to make me nervous about get-together’s was that I was boring and quiet, unlike a lot of my witty, charismatic, loud acquaintances. I always felt so much less alone when I wasn’t the only quiet, introverted person in the room. I would gravitate to people more like me and didn’t feel like so much of a sore thumb.
We all really need to learn more to just be ourselves and stop trying to be someone we are not, the right people will find us and appreciate us for being exactly who we are. Whether that be the silly, dorky, awkward, loud, quiet, class clown, smart, shy, outgoing, or “weird,” person, we will be accepted by the right people. The one’s who best suit us and make us feel right at home on this sometimes chaotic planet we are all trying to survive on.
Stop dwelling on the what if’s, should have’s or could have’s
The past is gone, the future is non-existent the only thing that matters is the now. We are constantly making up scenario’s in our heads on how things could go wrong, or we dwell on what we could have done better. But we cannot change something we have already done and we cannot accurately predict the outcome of a future scenario, so stressing about it only hurts us.
Thought is an imagination or pretention of facts and reality is the situation and the problems that actually exist in our life but the nervous system does not know the difference between real or made up experiences. So when we ruminate on a thought and make up worst case scenario’s in our heads, our nervous system will react as if this is actually happening to us, causing anxiety, stress and a lot of the time, depression. Again, only hurting ourselves in the long run.
We need to do our best to stay in the present moment, take it day by day, go with the flow and sort of just let life happen sometimes. We cannot control everything and trying to do so only puts us a step back opposed to forward.
Find a higher power to help navigate us through the trials and tribulations life throws at us
When trying to find ourselves after substance abuse we will find it nearly, if not impossible to do it on our own. We must accept that we are addicts and that no human power can help us find the light again. I am by no means a bible thumper, nor do I even believe in the big man in the sky that punishes all who do wrong and gives eternal happiness to those who follow his ways (as I was made to believe growing up.) I am just saying that I believe we all need a spiritual awakening in order to get in touch with our souls again, with ourselves.
Once we have something to rely on to help get us through the days without wanting to go back to that easy, short lived fix of the substance, things do seem a lot easier. We must find time to meditate and get in touch with our inner selves. Ask our higher power, or father within as I call it, to help guide us in the right direction.
I read the book Metaphysics: New Dimensions of the Mind by Anthony Norvell when I was 18 for the first time and thought it was a really cool way of living but never really applied it until I needed guidance in helping me to stay sober. Norvell conducts studies on people, giving them advice and rules on how to live their life and as he observes them, he realizes the huge changes happening all around them. They are able to manifest exactly what it is they always wanted, with only the power of mind (which is guided by our higher power), the willingness and belief to do so through their higher mind that they continue to bend and twist in the way they wish in order to have what they always desired.
In Norvell’s studies people were able to let go of anguish and anger, sadness, hopelessness, misery, sickness, self-pity and self-centeredness replacing them with real joy, hope, health, youth, riches, emotional control, self-love and selflessness. People were able to get that dream house they always wanted, down to the white laced curtains and bear skin rug they pictured in their minds eye. People were able to come into that fortune in order to help grow their business to exceptional levels. Norvell has written examples of the proof of these miracles.
There is some higher power that helped with that and the more we believe it and the more we follow the suggestions designed to make our lives easier, the more this higher power continues to stick around and help navigate us through the tough times.
This is what I recite on the daily and just an example for you guys to see the basics of how this higher power is supposed to guide us. I, of course added on my own personal things to it as well, things I desire for myself, but this is the basic outline of what Norvell has written for an morning “prayer” let’s call it, and a night time one.
Morning:
“Father within, I now humbly ask that you take over my affairs for this day. Guide me to do and say the right things all day. I have faith in the father within and now place myself in the Divine center of all good and constructive action knowing that only which is good can come to me. Everything I do will be prompted by the higher Divine Mind within me.”
Night time:
“Father within, I now go to sleep confident that you will heal my body and mind perfectly while I sleep. I ask for Divine Guidance in all of my activities tomorrow and in the days to come. I especially desire peace of mind and harmony at home and at work. I ask for new ideas to improve my finances to bring me security for the future. I ask for the miracle of Divine Love to flower in my life and to bless all those in the center of my activities. I now go to sleep confident than I will awake tomorrow feeling, refreshed, healed, revitalised and rejuvenated mentally and physically.”
Norvell states that to concentrate the power of this higher Divine Mind within, sit down each day and make out a list of the positive and constructive things we want to happen to us. This list should include our working conditions, our home, our social life, our gifts and talents, our finances and our state of health. He says we should not be afraid to ask the indwelling Father for anything we desire for remember, He (or she or whoever or whatever we want to picture it as) has created the Universe and all therein for us to use and enjoy. Our list might look like this:
- I desire change in my work; guide me in finding a new job doing (state type of work you wish).
- I wish to make an extra $1,000 so I may buy the things I wish; a new TV set, a car, an air conditioner. (Specify the things you desire and picture them clearly).
- I wish to have romantic fulfilment and to find a mate who embodies these qualities. (List the kind of mate you would like to marry, giving the traits, appearance, etc.)
- I would like to travel; guide me to the means of taking trips to: (list the countries you wish to visit.)
Norvell explains how one lady in his lecture group listed travel in her Miracle Guidance Chart, and she soon found work on an ocean liner as a manicurist. She met a wealthy widower on this cruise, fell in love with him and married him when the cruise ended. She achieved another objective which she had on her Guidance Chart; the finding of a suitable mate and financial independence.
For us addicts we may write on our list: “I desire to continue to find joy through the small moments in life without substance and focus my mind on the now, taking it day by day and giving myself praise when I do good.”
Or “I have come a long way but today is harder than the others, I need extra strength today to get me through the day without going back to that short-term fix. Higher Power please wrap me in your sobriety blanket and keep me safe there.”
Norvell also states:
“You never know from what channel your good will come to you. When you release tremendous power of your Higher Power, you will begin to see miracles occurring on all sides of you; things will happen that you never consciously realised was possible before. Have faith in this power and never doubt it’s spiritual reality, for the very fact that you exist is living proof of a miracle-working power in the universe that is greater than any other force in existence.”
Now I am sitting here scanning through pages of the book and everything is catching my eye and I want to write it here so you guys too can see the miracles that are possible but this article would be hours long if I started getting into all the amazing things Norvell has to say. So, I will leave a link to some of my other articles that talk about some of his advice on how to live the life we always desired. I know it all sounds cliché and cheesy but I promise you that we really could have it all, including happiness in our sobriety, we just have to want it and truly believe in its power.
Our lives are our responsibility, take accountability
There is only one person who we have control of in this world and that is ourselves. We cannot change how other people feel or react to certain situations but we can control how we feel or act. We cannot change what people may have done to us in the past but we can change how we allow it to affect us throughout our lives. We can allow things to bring us into a negative spiral and live our live in remorse and anger or we can learn from our experiences and allow them to shape us into a better us.
When we make a mistake, as we all do because we are only human, take accountability, own up to it, fix it if it’s still possible, if not, learn from it and don’t make the same mistake again.
Get out of our comfort zones
Life is not meant to always be comfortable. There are many things that make us feel uneasy and out of place. Life is full of unpleasantries such as death, disruption, negativity, rejection. We can’t possibly avoid all of the things that make us feel out of sorts. We should take that chance and get out of where we feel safe, take a risk and see where we end up.
We observe, learn and experience a lot more when we get out there, there may be someone in the right place at the right time that you bump into that may be a key stepping stone on your journey of life or sobriety. Things work in mysterious ways sometimes and we should be taking advantage of all the help the universe has to offer us.
The worst that may happen is us going back to our comfort zones and being exactly where we were before we took that chance. Take it!
Always be humble, kind and lend a helping hand whenever it is possible
We are all human beings. All on this journey of life. We should be kind to everyone we cross paths with, we never know what someone may be going through in life. We should all be on the same page. Even if we come into a lot of money or luxurious things, we shouldn’t put ourselves on at the top of the totem pole and everyone else below us. We all should be lending a helping hand not pushing each other off the ladder to get to the top first.
We should never forget where we came from. Never forget what good things people have done for us or the sacrifices they made doing so. Never forget to say thank you. Never forget that the world does not and never will revolve all around us.
When you know better, do better
We should learn from our mistakes and listen to our guts when it’s telling us not to do something that may be wrong. It is not worth the turmoil it will bring and if we have the choice to choose the right path opposed to the wrong one, choose the right one every time. Our future selves will thank us.
Conclusion
There are millions of people that are proof that there is happiness after substance abuse, we all can find the light again. The AA program is a great example of how many people were able to pick themselves out of the gutter and start walking tall and proud once again with a new child-like view of the world as if they could have anything they want in this life. Some people get so far deep into the rabbit hole that they see no way out and could not even possibly imagine ever living a normal life again without substance. So, it’s no wonder that when they do pull themselves out of this gutter and truly see joy in things again, it’s now easier to believe they are capable of so much in this life. Because if they can do something they thought impossible then why couldn’t they achieve other things that may also seem impossible?
Not everyone can stay out of the gutter on their own though, remember there is nothing wrong with asking for help whether it be from other people on similar journey’s or your higher power, a counselor, someone close or all of the above. Don’t ever give up because some days it seems like it would be easier to just resort back to the short-lived happiness. I promise you it’s worth it to find that real joy again and when you get to that point, you will never look back. It is so worth it! Keep moving forward, take it day by day and pat yourself on the back every once in a while. If you are reading this, you want that joy too so please keep at it and have faith in your self on this dark road back to grace again.
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If you are interested in reading about a variety of different subjects such as mental health, inside the minds of disturbed artists, the importance of being an introvert, importance of body language and non-verbal communication, the importance of mental rehearsal and imagery, the power of our minds, mindfulness, metaphysics and the cosmic world and how all the great genius’ of the past have tapped into this power to achieve seeming miracles, addiction, abuse, the effects loneliness and so much more, please check out some of my other posts:
