We have advanced so much as a species over time, from the horse-buggy to the car, to the plane, the rocket ship, the most advanced form of military technology and security. We have made thousands of advances in science and medicine, learning more about the world and the human condition as a whole, each and every day. The internet has brought us varied ways to be able to share our insights and opinions on just about anything. A time we should be more connected than we ever have been, with the ability to connect with people all over the world, but in my opinion we have never been more disconnected.
We are so glued to our phones that we sometimes miss what is going on around us. Dinner conversations are not a thing anymore in a lot of families because watching YouTube videos or scrolling through tik-tok is more exciting. It’s so easy to forget how to socialise properly, making it harder for us to form authentic connections with anyone. It becomes harder to read tones, emotions or social cues, making miscommunication very common.
All these distractions make it so much easier for days to pass without us realizing or doing anything to change how our futures will be.
Communication is Key
Communication is key, everything revolves around it yet we seem to be losing our touch with people.
Communication is not always through words but sometimes with facial expressions, body language, and tones. When we are looking at our phones and distracted with little things it’s hard to pick up on these things and even harder the longer we have been disassociated with proper communication. It will become harder in the future to form the relationships we wish to acquire.
There is so much more you see and realize when you live in the moment and really take in all that is going on around you. When you hone your social skills in order to bring you places. You can use your connections to your advantage in order to bring you further in life.
Stop waiting until tomorrow and start doing what you know you should be doing now.
Self-Image
The first step is making sure your self image is in tact because it is the premise for which your entire personality and behaviour is built. If you do not see yourself as someone who can accomplish the things you wish to, it makes it all the more harder to do so. Don’t compare yourself to others, believe in the progress, never lose belief in yourself.
Take Accountability
Learn to realize when you have made a mistake and take responsibility for it instead of blaming others. When you keep blaming the world and others for why things don’t go your way, your brain subconsciously gives everyone else credit for the things that occur in your life. Making it harder for you to ever take responsibility, therefore you never change anything. If you don’t believe you are part of the problem for why things dont go your way, how would you begin to fix that? Its everyone else’s fault, not yours so it is their responsibility to fix it right? No, it’s yours. Take accountability, do something about it.
Get Out There
When you stay in your house day after day distracting yourself with useless TV programs, substances, video games or whatever else, the world is still going on without you. Opportunities and possibilities are passing by as you dodge them by telling yourself you’re not good enough, smart enough, sociable enough to lead a productive, successful life.
Leave your comfort zone for once and take a risk. Or do something as simple as going out for a night instead of staying in. You may learn new things, come to a new realization, gain a bit a confidence, get a ephinany, or simply just make a good connection or anything or everything in between. It couldn’t hurt, get out there.
Make Connections
I feel like the easiest way for us to get so lost and confused in life is due to the disconnect we feel with the people around us. A room full of a hundred people yet we feel so alienated and alone. It’s common. So many of us feel we have nothing important to bring to the table so we stay silent and observe. Even find ourselves agreeing with things we don’t and laughing at things we don’t find funny. Just to fit in, to feel like apart of the team. But it only makes us feel more on the outside doesn’t it?
A lot of us are introverts and find it harder to talk about ourselves or even participate in small talk for that matter, so avoid small talk or gatherings. But just because you are an introvert, doesn’t mean you can’t form authentic connections with people.
Everyone wants to be that charismatic person with the ability to hypnotize a crowd, no matter the crowd. We all could be that person, you just have to believe that. Behaviorists say that humans learn the best and most easily through a concept called modeling. By watching these people we aspire to be like, memorizing their behaviors, mimicking them we slowly start to become them. We’re not becoming a different person specifically, but instead the person we always wish we were. The best version of ourselves.
I have experimented with this myself, I pretended to be the confident person I wanted to be whenever I went out. I was only acting the first couple times but my experiment was a success: I could talk to people with my head up high, with the belief that my opinions had value. I tried again, which was also a successful experiment, and again, and again, until I realised that it wasn’t an experiment anymore, the behaviours and confidence I was mimicking became mine.
I’ve also learnt to make authentic connections by learning how to listen. Connections are not all about talking and being the center of attention. I’d say it’s 60% listening, 40% talking. The loudest person in the room is usually the weakest, learn to be humble and especially don’t talk about things you have no experience in.
“If you feel like you shouldn’t be somewhere: Fake it. Do it not until you make it–But until you become it.”
-Amy Cuddy
Realise Who You Are Talking To
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
There are so many people out there want to talk about themselves and also so many people who are horrible at talking about themselves and would rather listen. It’s all about knowing what certain people need and accommodating those needs.
Facial expressions and body posture shows a lot about a person. If you could tell someone is uncomfortable you could try to relate to them by talking about yourself, explaining how you feel awkward and out of place. They may agree they feel the same way or simply feel more comfortable knowing someone feels the same way. Don’t mention that they seem awkward or uncomfortable, that won’t help form a connection.
If you could tell that someone loves talking about themselves, you could ask them questions that you know they would love to answer, praise them when they are looking for praise, pat them on the back when they are looking for sympathy, etc. Whatever the case may be, it is usually simple to identify someones personality and accommodate what it is they need in order to form connections which may bring you further in life. Or give you a grander knowledge of how the mind works and the human condition. Or help you become the person you wish to be. The healer, the friend to lean on, the listener, the good guy, or whatever else. You eventually gain a sense of confidence and power to the point where you wholeheartedly believe you are able at getting anything you want in this world. No more grasping at straws, the world is yours.
Don’t Take Everything So Seriously
So many of us stress ourselves out over made up situations in our heads. The future does not exist, the past can not be changed and does not have to be repeated, live in the present. No other moment exists.
Have defined goals, be decisive because indecision is a procrastination that only holds us back, and keep a scheduled routine so you are more able to trust and count on yourself. Lead a consistent, routined and disciplined lifestyle. Nothing comes without hard work and dedication.
Remember that imitation kills creativity, do not compare yourself to others, you are special in your own way. When you compare yourself to others it will only leave you feeling empty and confused.
Take a chill pill once in a while and stop being so hard on yourself, there are steps to every thing you do and as long as you are making those steps, (as tiny as they may be) don’t get discouraged. Dedication is key. The difference between the people who make it and who don’t. Too many people quit because the immediate results they expected were not forthcoming. You won’t make it if you think everything comes easy. And when people give you the constructive criticism you sometimes need, don’t become easily offended. The world is rough and nothing good comes easy, so sometimes we must take the tough love and accept that people are trying to help us. The ones that aren’t trying to help, the negative ones, get rid of them.
The main focus is knowing you can do it, whatever your “it” may be, keeping focus, a strong belief in yourself, and a reason or purpose for why you are doing it. Keep your passion alive no matter what it may be and do whatever makes your heart pound. If you love it enough to keep at it, it will bring you places, I promise.
“It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.”
-Gabriel Garcia Marquez
If you are interested in reading about a variety of different subjects such as mental health, inside the minds of disturbed artists, the importance of being an introvert, importance of body language and non-verbal communication, the importance of mental rehearsal and imagery, the power of our minds, mindfulness, metaphysics and the cosmic world and how all the great genius’ of the past have tapped into this power to achieve seeming miracles, addiction, abuse, the effects loneliness and so much more, please check out some of my other posts:
