Understanding The Effects Loneliness Has On Our Mind And Body

Its So Easy To Lose Ourselves

You try so hard to get along with the rest of the world, you become apart of conversations, even do as much as making yourself vulnerable by sharing the insights and opinions from the otherwise hidden realms of your mind, putting forth your most authentic self. Someone or someone’s then might give you the temporary comfort you think you need. You’re internally begging for approval, so when someone gives you something that imitates that approval, even a short-lived, fantasy acceptance, you jump on it, you chase it and grip on for dear life.

Started with one person getting it, ‘seeing you’ so, you start to believe maybe there are people out there like me. So, you latch onto this person who ‘gets it’, only to disappoint yourself when you start realising that you are losing yourself. You start to hear yourself agreeing with things you don’t, talking about things you would usually never waste your time talking about and even going as far as sharing ideas and insights that aren’t even yours, just ones you knew to be relatable to the current situation so you blurt them out. Seeking approval so you’ll do anything to get it. Urge to be liked, wanted, needed.

But it’s approval of a person that isn’t even you, just the made of version of you. The you who goes out in the world, the you who feels you have to fake it to make it. Your real self already hidden behind fake smiles, empty laughter, head-nods and ass kissing. You took the roll of the Chameleon, and lost any stable sense of self. You became the you you think the world wants.

You look in the mirror and all you could feel for the state you allowed yourself to get in, is pure disappointment. Not the kind of temporary disappointment that comes from failing a test or yelling at a loved one, but the kind that comes with questioning everything. You start to question if maybe isolating yourself from the world, and detaching yourself, would be your best bet so you could avoid feeling so alone, even in a room full of people.

Isolation Is Not The Solution

Although I get it because I’ve been there done that, isolation is never the solution. It only harbors a deeper loneliness that seems so much harder to break out of.

As sad as it is, loneliness levels have increased immensely in the past few years, especially in younger people. Cigna (an American worldwide health services organization) found a 13% rise in lonlieness since 2018. 73% of workers from the ages of 18-22, report that they sometimes or always feel lonely.

So many of us are starved for a real connection, sick of the superficial small talk, being a puppet on a string to accommodate others in hopes of being accepted, possibly finding something real. Sick and tired of being afraid to express ourselves. Cowering down to the expectations of others. So, a lot of us hide out, settle into a resigned state, retreat into ourselves. Making our lives smaller, closing the gap or at least hindering the shine we have inside of us. Not living to our full potential.

Effects Of Loneliness

Loneliness not only causes issues mentally, such as an increased risk of mental health disorders, but also physically. Social isolation heightens health risks as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, having an alcohol use disorder, or obesity. When we progress into a long state of loneliness, we will start to see the risks it has on our bodies. Our cardiovascular function is poor, and we have an impaired immunity of every stage of life. More prone to sickness, and increased risk for developing dementia or alzheimers.

You become more prone to depression and anxiety which only makes the loneliness worse, because you become so detached that you couldn’t even imagine getting back out into the world to participate contentedly in social gatherings and such. You allow your nerves to get the best of you time and time again. Once you settle into that resigned state, the lonlieness becomes harder to talk about so, you ignore that it’s there and go on living numbly.

Break Out Of The Cycle

This is no way to live and there are ways to get yourself out of the bubble you’re in. Isolating is definitely not one of them. There are so many people out there searching for some sort of connection to convince themselves that there is nothing wrong with them for being so different than the rest, so out of tune, so “awkward.”
I mean, the world has 7 billion people and counting, there is someone out there that can make you feel less alone, less in the deep end. And there are small but achievable ways of reaching out:

Social Media

With technology gradually taking over, we have varied ways to connect with people all over the world. Social media is a good way to connect, there are even writing forums like Quora or Reddit where you are able to express yourself through writing or art. Poems, short stories, realism, experiences, non-fiction, fiction, whatever you want. You will find that there are people all over the globe that have similar thoughts as you, and with the power of words, may even get the chance to help you in small ways.

There will be people out there who are going through almost exactly what you are going through, and also people who have been there done that and have some advice at how they got out of it. Even just hearing other peoples stories and successes really helped me.

Joining A Team Or Group

You hated it when you were young, being forced to join tae kwon doe or the soccer team, forced to hang out with people you didnt know instead of hanging out with your friends. But now that you’re older and don’t just simply bump into someone on the street with the same hobbies or interests as you, joining a team or activity may be a good idea to help find social connections with people that have similar interests.

Even if you don’t become best buds with anyone at the group, you will more than likely get into different conversations about the activity at hand, you may come to new realizations because of certain things you heard or discussed, you may learn something new, or teach someone something. Realizations within self, or new knowledge otherwise would’ve never been achieved if you didn’t have these encounters with these people.

The Affect We Have On Each Other

Everyone shapes our lives whether we know it or not. Sometimes a lot more drastically but it also could be something as simple as seeing a homeless person on your way to work, which brings on feelings of despair, and sadness for this man which causes you to put a little damper on your mood. Which then leads to you ignoring the secretary once you get to work, (someone you always smile and wave at) who already had a bad morning because she was feeling like she was a bore, and didnt bring much to the table when it came to any form of relationship. Now, she feels even worse, wondering why she is constantly overlooked. Creating a more sour mood for herself that she brings into the rest of the day, which may affect other people depending on their mind states.

A different person may have seen the same homeless person on their way to work but instead of feelings of despair, they got instant elation because they felt motivated in doing something to one day help these people. They couldnt wait to get off work so they could head to the homeless shelter to help out as best they could with the resources they had now. They felt excited about something, and confident that one day they would help make a difference in the changing world, therefore the homeless person didnt put a damper on their mood. Which changed the course of their day for the positive, and probably a few others.

I have no clue if everything happens for some sort of rhyme or reason but its something as simple as forgetting your car keys in your office on the fourth floor, having to take the stairs because the elevator is broken, and passing by a lady with a red dress: the red dress reminds you of your wife because she has one just like it, and you suddenly remember it’s your anniversary today. If you hadn’t forgot those car keys, causing you to go back at that exact time to be able to pass by that lady, would you ever remember the anniversary? You would’nt of mentioned a thing to your wife, mostly likely putting a strain on the relationship for however long. Something as simple as that is what makes me think there is some sort of reason for why we are where we are when we’re there.

Get Out There And Experience

So, get the hell out of your house and join that group or club and expand your thinking! You are not going to come to new realizations within self, and wherever else if you are staring at the same four walls and television or phone day in and day out. Get out there, and find out who you truly are when you are not alone.

Unless you decide to become a monk, (which the Greek word for is actually “monos” which means alone) and live in a spiritual world of your own, you are not going to find any freedom or happiness in being alone day in and out. Learn to cultivate your own inner silence when the world becomes too overwhelming but don’t run away.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

There are many people who are uncomfortable with silence so they fill their days with useless chatter and noise. Music, TV, banter. But I believe what we all are searching for is comfort in the silence. Connections where you can just be, and feel comfortable in doing so. There are so many of us out there so, it’s crazy to me how many of us feel alone.

Although sometimes I still feel a little alone, as we all will from time to time, I have come a long ways in terms of feeling like this was it for me. I have grew exponentially and I am hoping that other people realise they have the power to do so as well.

The Anatomy of Loneliness: How to Find Your Way Back to Connection

The Completion Process: The Practice of Putting Yourself Back Together Again

If you are interested in reading about a variety of different subjects such as mental health, inside the minds of disturbed artists, the importance of being an introvert, importance of body language and non-verbal communication, the importance of mental rehearsal and imagery, the power of our minds, mindfulness, metaphysics and the cosmic world and how all the great genius’ of the past have tapped into this power to achieve seeming miracles, addiction, abuse, the effects loneliness and so much more, please check out some of my other posts: