Things change so much it’s crazy. Thoughts and opinions you’d never think could be any different, could change in the blink of an eye or, more commonly, gradually while you don’t even realise it is happening.
Here is a journal entry from a while ago when I was losing faith in everything. A time where life felt meaningless. It’s weird almost but kind of liberating at the same time to look back at old journal entries because I have come such a long way and the words I read don’t sound like they are coming from my mind. Its proof to me that people can change for the better or the worse, it’s up to the individual. Power of mind is everything, if you use it to your advantage you can train your mind to think differently. You can be the person you always seen on TV and wanted to be, that confident, content, go-getting, boss ass person. Let’s look back:
Setempber 14, 2016
There isn’t much of a point to anything really.. This page, this pen, this bed, this good feeling in my head, it’s all temporary, meaningless. Feelings come and go, what we think will be enough is never enough, we will rarely ever be satisfied with what we already have, we’ll need more. Something bigger, better, taller, tastier, more colorful, more grand, more something, anything. Anything we don’t have, we’ll want. We grow bored of materialistic things and we’re left to ponder our existence and blame ourselves for not knowing.
I don’t want to not know but I don’t think I necessarily want to either anymore.. Because I am afraid there truly may not be a point to any of it, I’m afraid we might have always been and always will be.. Never any beginning and therefore never an end. Which scares me. As it should. As why people probably unravel or go fucking insane.
The cycle continues. Centuries come and go. New rules come into order, corporations crumble, wages change, technology advances, science has breakthroughs, diseases are cured, language changes, cultures change, new religions come into play: something new to believe in, forms of communication change, politics, education, currency, the market, the system. But people seem to stay the same. Evil is still evil in spite of it coming in different forms. Demons in the human mind have always been around and will always be around torturing those who let them. Temptations in the soul, urges in the heart, voices in the mind. We all stay indefinitely trapped inside of gradually decaying, eventually rotting bodies. Until we get tempted back into another to do it all again.
I need to stop thinking about my internal self because I don’t think there will ever be an escape and I swear to God I am going to go mad trying to find one. I need to focus on external things. The state of the world, the ecological crisis we are living in. I need to do whatever I can to focus all I can on the outside world.. On what is going on around me not inside of me..
….
A church-fete- type lady rosily thrusts a pair of women’s jeans at me: “These’ll do for you Russell.” I buy them and we laugh. Really, though, I’d like to scratch the record off to rake the needle across the groves and say “What the fuck are we all doing? What gravity is it that hold us down, who installed this low suffocating sky? I get that feeling a lot, like I want to peer around the corner of reality, to scratch the record off, to say I know there’s something else, I know it.
I know this isn’t the best use of our time here. “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” Sang Leonad Cohen. You can see it; just behind reality, there is a light, you can feel it. Just behind your thoughts there is a silence. He knew the answer was there, that’s why he became a Buddhist and fucked off to live in the mountains. – Russell Brand, Revelation
Perspective Change
I went through some tough shit to say the least in my younger years, a lot of it now I realised was self-imposed. I should have been stronger and got myself out of certain situations. I was naive and stupid. I don’t blame myself for the things I didn’t know back then, instead now I look at how it shaped me. With the positive attitude I’ve trained myself to have, I realise that my capabilities are limitless. I now feel like there is a point to even the little mundane things such as a dog chasing a squirrel, dad washing his car or Mom holding her kids hand on the way home from school. I learnt to find joy in the little things. Sunsets, dogs, music, rainbows, books, my constants that will always make me smile. Long car drives with fresh air blowing in the window, the radio turned up as everyone sings along. Sharing a good meal with friends and family, exploring forests or bonfire parties on the beach. Living in the moment and appreciating the little constants in life has really made me realise how worth it this life thing really is. I will never go back to how I felt back then, I know that now. I am going to devote some time to sharing my techniques in how I have trained my mind to look at everything more positively.
If you want to read more about tips and tricks to get yourself out of the rut you are in, check out the section of my site called Taking Care Of Number One or The Potential We Have.
If you are interested in reading about a variety of different subjects such as mental health, inside the minds of disturbed artists, the importance of being an introvert, importance of body language and non-verbal communication, the importance of mental rehearsal and imagery, the power of our minds, mindfulness, metaphysics and the cosmic world and how all the great genius’ of the past have tapped into this power to achieve seeming miracles, addiction, abuse, the effects loneliness and so much more, please check out some of my other posts:
It’s funny, I was going through the same thing at that time, although I was five years older. It was the worst spell of depression I had ever been in. Luckily, I came out alive.