Today I want to talk about something that is probably one of the hardest parts of the cycle of life we all unavoidably have to cope with: loss. Most of us think of loss in terms of losing a loved one or someone close to us and although that is a big part of it and probably the toughest part, loss is a far more encircling theme in our lives.
We lose not only through death but also by being left behind or leaving, by letting go, changing our old ways, moving on. We lose the person we used to be, our young selves that we must leave behind although at that age we assumed we would be young forever, unwrinkled and unbothered by the stresses of the world. We may lose someone who changes into someone we thought they would never be. Maybe they changed due to societal expectations, maybe because of unavoidable circumstances, maybe substances, or maybe people just change for no good reason at all.
Either way it feels like a loss when someone we once knew so well seems like a stranger to us.
Separation from who we once were and departures of the ones we love aren’t the only losses we deal with. There is also the loss that comes from giving up on unrealistic expectations, letting go of that dream, illusions of power, comfort and total freedom, unrealistic romantic expectations and so much more.
When we are young it is impossible to even think about Mom or Dad passing on and not being there to answer our every question, tend to our every need. Then we get older and we realise the shortness of life and the inescapable truth’s that are impossible to dodge no matter how strong we are. The truth is we are essentially out here on our own and nothing is going to be as we expected as when we were younger and daydreaming out the backseat of our parents car, planning everything to a tee and thinking we knew exactly how our lives were going to pan out. We knew nothing back then. Truth is life is not as easy as some of the adults in our lives made it seem; we have to accept that there are flaws in every human connection, we must accept the good with the bad, the mingling of love and hate within ourselves and those around us. As time goes on we realise that our time here is nowhere near permanent, we are not immortal and in no way are we able to stop the inevitable from happening to our loved ones. We can’t be there to offer protection from pain or danger, growing old, or death. We are powerless when it comes time that will catch up with us all.
Again, when we are younger, getting over the loss of a loved one is something we are not able to conceive. We put it out of our mind as if it will never happen because we know if it does we will completely unravel. But the truth is us humans are so much stronger than we could even imagine. The stories that I have heard about what some people have been through in this life and just keep on pushing on is insane to me. I always try to put myself in their shoes and wonder how strong I’d be if I went through the same trials and tribulations these people have and to me it is impossible to believe I would be strong enough to get out of bed in the morning, let alone go on and thrive in life, finding happiness again.
These losses are an unavoidable part of life and us humans seem to navigate ourselves through them fairly well and somehow grow in the end because of them. Loss, leaving, and letting go make us stronger in the end, they are all an essential part of our individual growth. The road to human development is paved with sacrifice. We sometimes must give up some of our deepest attachment to others or lose cherished parts of ourselves in order to grow. Sometimes we lose, sometimes we win but in the end we need to let go of certain things or ways of thinking in order to progress on this journey we call life. At the end of the day, we gain some, lose some, but in the end it makes us better for it. It also seems as if understanding how we deal with our losses is essential to understanding ourselves. It is only through our losses that we become fully developed human beings.
So, we shouldn’t be afraid of loss, starting with the loss entailed in moving away from the being of our mothers and gradually becoming a separate self, to the losses involved in facing the limitations of our potential, our power. The loss of abandoning our unrealistic dreams or ideal relationships for something more simple, or the human realities of imperfect connections. As well as the multiple losses that will come with leaving and letting go. Not everything is meant to stay the same and I think we can all admit that change, sometimes can be out right terrifying and sometimes even puts us into that state of depression because everything seems to be moving so fast, the good moments seemingly only coming once in a while before they’re stolen from us. But change, as hard as it sometimes seems is imperative to our growth as humans. And the heartache doesn’t last forever.
Time really does heal all wounds (maybe not all) as they say. We stay scarred by certain things but in the end we adapt to our new beginnings. Even if we start to believe our life is set and there will be no more curve balls thrown at us, we must always expect the unexpected because the only constant I seem to find in life is change. Everything is always changing. People come and go, feelings grow and hinder, our ways of thinking become new ways of thinking, people die, life moves on. I am learning to accept that a lot more as I get older. Instead of dwelling on what cannot be undone, I try to make room for the new chapter that is ahead of me. Because there will always be a new chapter, nothing is ever set in stone, we will always have bumps in the road we need to work around. We are so much more resilient than we think and when the time comes that change is creeping up or loss is at our doorsteps, we should try to think on the brighter side, look towards the future and think about how this is going to benefit our growth in the long run. If we were not able to do that, I think we would all go mad.
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Reading this post was a wonderful experience because it made me reflect on some of my own thoughts and views on the topic of loss. Change is the only constant, as you put it, is exactly how I view it as well. I thought it was interesting how you referred to losing a friend if they change or we do. That’s an aspect of friendship I hadn’t given too much tought on, but will now. Thank you for sharing your ideas with us. And dealing with loss will make us stronger. If we see it as an inevitable part of life, then we can become unperturbed by anything.
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