TRUST ME WHEN DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST, YOU’LL KNOW

Oh, man trust me when dealing with a narcissist, you’ll know because you will constantly feel like ripping your hair out, feeling the crazy rise in you a little more each day. You will continually feel like you are doing something wrong and have no power to make it right. You will have a nagging feeling on your heart called guilt because they will make you feel as if, no matter how hard you try, you will never do enough to satisfy them. They have a grandiose sense of self importance that you can never match. You will always be inferior.  

You know they have trust issues because they have told you many times that you need to gain their trust. So, you do everything you can to let them know they can trust you. You give all your social media passwords, phone password, you allow them to block anyone they want off your social media, (even if it’s every guy in the city almost) you don’t go out without them, or at all for that matter because they don’t want to go out. You let them drive you anywhere you may need to go, so that they can trust that you were going where you said you were.  

You allow them to read everything from your past life, see what kind of person you used to be, and all the mistakes you made when you were just a teenager. You allow them to make you feel like you are a shady, or bad person because your past. You allow them to get on their high horse and think they are superior to you because they must be right?  You’ve flirted with and even hooked up with people in your teenage years, so you must be untrustworthy, and even a whore kind of right?  

You give them that power. You change the way you live to accommodate this persons trust issues because you genuinely feel like you are not as good as you thought you were. You’re begging for their acceptance and approval. And you want it so bad. You want them to see how much you do love them, how much you can be trusted. You now live under their strict rules. Or not rules but “you know what I would want you to do, and what I wouldnt, but it’s your decision you’re a big girl, I’m not telling you what to do.” 

You spend so much time, years even, doing what it is you think they need to feel secure. Then your phone dies while you’re at work one day and theres no charger. And they recently just got a new number so you have no way to get ahold of them. Now, all the trust you’ve thought you built, comes crashing down and you’re back at square one. You’ll never hear the end of it. You’re a liar, there had to be some way to charge your phone, you should’ve wrote down their number on a piece of paper, you were home three minutes later than usual because of traffic, so its suspicious. Everything is suspicious, you’re a untrustworthy liar. And you feel like you wronged them, again. They really let you feel that guilt.   

Sometimes they will even cry and tell you how worried they were, that they thought you left for good and was ignoring them. They tell you how they were a nervous wreck all day worrying about you. So you feel guilty.  

You accommodate them again, and get prepared to start over with the building that trust wall.  

They have an exaggerated need for attention and validation. And there is no fighting them on anything. They can not be wrong, ever. Even when they are, you know it’s better to just pretend they’re not because in the end of arguing with them you’ll feel like you are in the wrong anyway. They will gaslight you, point fingers, and belittle you. Manipulation until you’re questioning your own sanity. They live in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur. 

They don’t manipulate just you either, their goal is to do it to as many as possible. They pin people against each other and sit back and watch the show. Entertainment in the chaos. It’s as if drama fuels them, makes them feel alive.  

The longer you spend with them, the more you start to believe, even know that you are not as important as you used to believe. You start to convince yourself that you’re not that good of a person if the person you love so much is making you feel so. You become so wrapped up in wanting to prove yourself to this person, you become a different person. Although there was nothing wrong with you before.  

Narcissists insidiously groom their victims to accept abuse. Because most people do not willinging accept abuse but in these types of relationship you don’t even know you’re being abused. Most of the time you’re confused to what is even going on. The narcissist is so insistent that they’re justified in being wronged by you, enough to convince you that things must really be your fault.  

The gradual manipulation takes over your life, and you are living fully for someone else. But you still get so sad, and lost and angry, and all you want to do is rip your fucking hair our and hit your head off a door when it strays some days because you sometimes dont understand why what you’re doing is never enough. And in spite of how much time goes by, the trust wall is crumbling more as it passes. You can never be right. You can never please. Trust me, if you are dealing with a narcissist, you’ll know.